What your husband really wants

Assuming you married a decent guy, here's
what he really wants from you and from your
relationship.
---He wants to be your hero
This may sound old-fashioned, and maybe it
is, but what every decent guy wants more than
anything else is for his wife to look up to and
admire him. You are the most important
person in the world to him. Thus, your
approval means more to him than anyone
else's.



--Admittedly, even the best of men don't always
behave admirably. But if you're willing to
overlook occasional lapses and consistently
treat your husband like the good guy you
know he is at heart, he's much more likely to
be that guy more often. (If the lapses are
more than occasional.
--Take a page from the best elementary school
teachers who understand the importance of
positive reinforcement. Treat kids like they're
smart, and they're more likely to act smart. As
you've long suspected, your husband is really
just a big kid. Tell him frequently how much
you admire him. Chances are, he'll respond by
trying to be admirable.
--He wants to be your lover
I know what you're thinking: "Aha! I knew sex
was going to be on this list somewhere!" Well,
of course your husband wants to have sex
with you. For companionship, he has his dog
and his football buddies. Your relationship is
something different.
What your husband really wants is someone
he can be intimate with on every level without
having to worry about feeling self-conscious.
--He wants to hold hands in the car and snuggle
on the couch. He wants to kiss, regularly and
sometimes passionately. He wants to whisper
little suggestive remarks in your ear while
doing dishes, hear you laugh and see you arch
your eyebrows provocatively in response.
In short, he wants a lover who is all his own
— and in return, he'll be all your own. And
yes, sometimes all that hand-holding,
snuggling, kissing and ear-whispering will lead
to sex.
--He wants to be your best friend
It's common today to see wedding invitations
that say, "Today I marry my best friend." This
is a good development, I suppose, but I
wonder if it isn't just one of those cute things
people say without fully realizing the
implications.
Because, once you get married, you really will
be each other's best friend — or else you
won't be friends at all. There isn't much
middle ground. You spend so much time
together and get to know each other so
intimately, that a strong friendship is
necessary if your relationship is going to last.
That means mutual respect, genuine affection
and a willingness to overlook faults.
--As a decent guy, your husband loves that you
have other (women) friends. He just wants to
be BFF number one, the one you share with
the most, the one you turn to most often, the
one person you would rather spend time with
than anyone else in the world. Be that kind of
friend to him, and he will be the same kind of
friend to you.
--He wants to understand you
It's a running joke in our culture just how little
men know about women — it probably has
been in every culture since the beginning of
time. I bet Eve had Adam scratching his head
with regularity.
Nevertheless, despite the apparent futility of
the endeavor, your husband desperately wants
to understand you — why you do what you do,
what you mean when you say certain things,
what makes you tick. If he is a decent guy and
a good husband, he is committed to spending
his life in this pursuit.
So please, help him out when you can. When
you think something is important but he
doesn't, take the time to explain your reasons.
Then listen respectfully, with an open mind, to
his perspective. Above all, tell him what you
want. Don't expect him to read your mind. It's
written in a language he doesn't speak.
--He wants to protect you
It's true that we no longer live in a time when
women and children are at risk of being eaten
by wild animals or carted off by warring tribes.
Nevertheless, every decent guy has a deeply
ingrained instinct to protect his family — from
whatever dangers our modern society
presents.
Sometimes this urge to protect you will take a
negative form. For instance, your husband
might withhold important financial information
from you because he "doesn't want you to
worry." Or he may become possessive if he
perceives that some would-be Romeo is
coming on to you. At times like these, you
might need to help him understand that
you're a big girl, perfectly capable of handling
such situations.
Just be gentle. Remember that what's driving
him is not so much selfishness as a concern
for your safety. Would you rather have a guy
who just didn't care?